Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
