I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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