I CAN MOONWALK!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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