So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize