Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
