I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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