You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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