he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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