I'm gonna have a badass scar
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
