Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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