Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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