Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
