Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
