I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
