I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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