Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
