I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
