i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
