I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize