Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
