I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
