no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
