i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boobs speak an international language.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
