maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
