Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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