How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize