This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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