I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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