Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
