Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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