Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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