i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Are we still banned from the library?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
