Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
