they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
