Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
