sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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