Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
