It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
