You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
