I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry about my life...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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