I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I died a long time ago.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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