I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well you can't waste a boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
