As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
