using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
