69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
