Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
