can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She bit a glass in half.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
