New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize