dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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