Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
