i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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