Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ketchup is God's man juice
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
