Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
