she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
