my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
