oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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