we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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