Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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