420 ftw
high people should be assigned attendants
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
