I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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