ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
