I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
