alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
