You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
