"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
