I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
