Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
