You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to sanitize my soul.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
