Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
