i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
