One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
