and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
