i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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