R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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